Five great questions of life: Life * Love * Learning * Labor * Leadership
The Ol' Bases: How Far Is Too Far?By Evan Nehring
If you were asked for dating advice, would the ol' bases be part of your response?
Every sexual experience you have will move you to the next level. We've known this ever since junior high, right? First base, the electricity of the kiss. Second base, touching under the clothes. Third base, second base with mouths. Homerun, obviously going all the way. If you want Biblical backing for the four bases of physical intimacy, check out the Song of Solomon in the Old Testament. Find Psalms and head three books to the right. It’s godly, graphic, holy, intimate love.
The more you date, the more times you’ll “step up to the plate.” When we see a couple that’s been dating for five years, we often assume they’re hitting home runs. Why? Because baseball has a way of progressing.
But there’s another angle to running the bases. When you head from one base to the next in a relationship, you don’t usually backtrack in your next relationship. It’s a physical force that works powerfully to take your farther. If sis gets to first base with Jack, she’ll feel pressure to get to second with Howie. If bro gets to second with Jill, he’ll feel pressure to get to third with Roxanne. He might even write a song telling her not to put on the red light!
What’s the answer? Well, God’s Word clearly states that fornication is sin. That’s the home run outside of marriage. Third base? Most people trying to follow God’s Word would say that stopping at third base is sort of a “technical virginity”. Sure, you’re safe from making babies, but you’re basically doing the husband-wife thing. Second base? That’s the gateway to the marriage bed. First base? That’s the gateway to the gateway.
How far is too far? Well, how fast do you want to get around the bases? On this, pastors and Hollywood actors agree: making out is a great warm-up for rounding the bases! Am I saying that kissing for fun is wrong? Kinda. Every time you kiss, you’re stepping up to the plate. You’re flexing your muscles and practicing your swing. And the more you swing that bat, the better you get at it and the better it feels.
Isn’t it interesting that the words “kiss” and “kids” are only off by a letter?
Four Views on Running the Bases
Total waiting view. Some would say that your wedding vows kiss should be your first kiss ever. That’s awesome if you want to do that. I think I met one couple who did that.
Non-God view. Get as much sexual experience as you can. Have fun before you’re tied down in marriage (and after marriage if you can avoid getting caught). If you’re planning to keep a family together, uh, stats are bad for this view.
Technical virgin view. Just don’t go past third base. My thoughts? Good luck stopping!!! That momentum carries into every time you’re with this person, and the next, and the next....
Careful chemistry view. Sorry to mix baseball and chemistry, but rounding the bases is an explosive subject! What about not stepping up to bat for a while? Hang out as friends. Hold hands. Put your arm around her in the theater. Open the car door. Give him a back massage. Keep it there for a while and venture carefully to first base. When you get to first base, please remember to take your time. The other bases are calling. So is drama. So is heartache.
Know in advance where your lines are. One youth pastor friend used to say, “Don’t touch what their bathing suit covers.” That means don’t go to second base. Second base is many things, but it is not careful. I think if your goal is to get around the bases outside of marriage, you’re a player. Maybe even a playa. Playas are cool on campus and around town, but they probably aren't looking to settle down in the Shire.
Life in the Shire with family is so amazing. It’s not easy, but it’s not lonely. Family life is hard. Really hard. But being a playa for life, I think, is much tougher. Do people lie on their deathbeds and say, “Man, I was a great playa!”? Maybe a little. Mostly the long-term benefits of playa-ing are disappointing. But to grow old with the one you love? Come on, haven't you seen The Notebook?! Growing old with the one you love, surrounded by children and grandkids? Unbelievably wonderful!
My son, my daughter, please release the power of the chemistry of love carefully.